Well, All the best in your married life sister. I wish you a happy married life. One luv
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Well, All the best in your married life sister. I wish you a happy married life. One luv
@ Married Smarted1st, You are entitled to YOUR OPINION. Take charge.
well abstinence is still the best but wat if u get married to the guy or girl only to discover afterwards that he or she does not have the organ at all? or has but not good at its usage?
@ Utipobong, very good question. I believe OPENNESS and TRUTH Should be the bedrock of every courtship. TALK ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL POTENCY AND COMPATIBILITY WITH YOUR SPOUSE IN THE COURTSHIP. DON'T HIDE ANYTHING: We're not allowed as Christians in courtship to engage in sex, so ASK YOUR SPOUSE IF HE/SHE HAS ANY IMPEDIMENT SEXUALLY AND TACKLE IT.
I read a book by Kenneth E. Hagin, a story was narrated about a couple who on their wedding night, you know the first night, the guy COULD NOT SECURE AN VIA HIS GENITAL, i.e. he was impotent and never told the lady. WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT DAT? TO ME DAT'S WICKEDNESS AND DECEPTION. SO, my advice is ASK, INQUIRE, TALK ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY TOGETHER, TALK ABOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT OR ISSUE AND TACKLE IT BEFORE YOU SAY I DO, BUT DON'T DO IT. God bless you. The title of the book is 'Marriage, Re-Marriage and Divorce'. Take charge.
@faith yetu u've got a point there. but u see most times this issues are really difficult may b the fear of loosing your partner. apart from that some pple. are really nt good at that aspect so wat happens when u discover after marriage that your partner cannot satisfy u sexually maybe due to the fact that he or she is still a novice
Well, been a novice (meaning a virgin), is not a disadvantage, (A RESEARCH WAS DONE AND DISCOVERED DAT THOSE THAT ENGAGE IN INTERCOURSE BEFORE MARRIAGE HAVE LESS SATISFACTION SEXUALLY THAN THOSE WHO HAVE ENGAGED IN IT BEFORE MARRIAGE, BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPETE WITH MEMORIES OF OTHERS WHEN YOU'RE WITH YOUR LEGITIMATE PARTNER IN INTERCOURSE) IT'S ADVANTAGEOUS IN THAT YOU LEARN, you read books, seek godly counsel, ask your partner how to satisfy him/her sexually, what's to do that satisfies/gives him/her pleasure most, it's all about communication. Communicate with her/him, one book I can recommend is TIM LAHAYE'S BOOK, "ACT OF MARRIAGE", and HOW TO CHOOSE THE SEX OF A BABY By one Nigerian author, I've forgotten his name. SO BROTHER OR SISTER, IT'S ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION, TALK TO EACH OTHER, SEX IS BEAUTIFUL, IS TO BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTNERS IN MARRIAGE AS ORDAINED BY GOD. TAKE CHARGE AND GOD BLESS YOU.
tanxs alot u are good. thats just the perfect advice.
@ Utipobong, you're most welcome. It's my pleasure.
This is a very interesting thread, I must say. I'll like to make a humble contribution.
First I must state that I am a believer (Christian), and my opinion will be from the christian point of view and also from my personal point of view.
SEX IS GOOD. Thats a fact and nothing can change that. It was designed by GOD for multiplication of man that we might fill the earth. But there is a clause (SEX IS FOR MARRIAGE) any sex outside marriage is FORNICATION, and that is a sin. So you see, even though GOD created sex, he also formed the institution called marriage and we are meant to have a SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP in marriage. Thats God's plan for SEX. Any thing outside that is SIN.
Now talking about SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP Except that COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP is MARRIAGE, SEX IS FORBIDDEN as far as GOD is concerned. If it is the Boy Friend, Girl Friend Relationship or the Fiance and Fiancee relationship, until you are legally married, any sex in that relationship is FORNICATION, and that is a SIN. So I hope that is clear.
Now my personal view. For those who think that SEX strengthens any relationship, or makes it last longer, I'll advise, change your perspective thats fallacy. If that were true, Why then do we have such high divorce rates? Why then do people keep multiple sex partners? It takes much more than SEX and LOVE to keep a relationship, It takes a lot of understand and sacrifice. (I can write a book on this subject)
My Advice: For All the VIRGINS in the house, Male and Female. Am making a passionate appeal. No matter the pressure, Please keep that Virginity, because it is worth it.
1. Not bringing sex to the table when courting gives you something to look forward to when you get married.
2. There is no benefit in FORNICATION. Once you start fornicating, you might get addicted to it. That becomes a big problem, because you cannot live without the opposite sex.
3. Fornication never preserves a relationship. It tends to ruin it.
Have a Great Day All
@ nwoko emmanuel, explicit and nice exposition on this Subject. You did a good job. God bless you.
You are WELCOME, Anytime!
@ nwoko-emmanuel, you're just outstanding. I loved that. One luv.
One Love too Eniola
I will speak from a realistic point of view. The truth is if you refuse to 'do' it as a guy, MOST girls will think you have a problem. Some will even abuse you if you do not 'do' it well. Nobody shd attack me after this post but ive just said what happens even among some so called christians. Heve you not heard of marriages broken because the wife had more 'experience' than the man and engages in adultery? Theres a difference between an ideal situation and a real one.
Montedo, I must say I appreciate your comment. Let me ask you a question. As a man or as a lady, are u obligated by any measure of compulsion to prove your sexual prowess to any one? You really do not have to. If any one places you under sexual pressure be it your church member or even your pastor, you are at liberty to stand tall and say an EMPHATIC NO! and stand by it. My dear its possible, and you will be respected for it. I tell you. I personally do not really care what people say about me. In 2002, a lady in once said to a friend of mine with reference to me and I quote "e be like say that im thing no dey work" and my friend told me. But does that change anything, NO!. It does not matter.
I have heard of broken marriages as a result of poor sexual performance from a partner. But you see we cause all these problem by having previous numerous sexual partners. Thus creating memories of different sexual experiences and all we do in marriage is to compare our spouse with our previous partners. Thats what spoils the whole thing. But you see if Brother A keeps himself and Sister B keeps herself, when they come together in marriage, they they will learn together and grow together. There will be no competition. That was GOD's original plan.
Well, If you find in your marriage that you are more skillful than your partner,then TEACH YOUR PARTNER, make the relationship exciting teach her, teach him and you both will come to the same level.
I have to stop now so I do not bore you with too much words. I hope I have made a clear point.
Have a Productive day All!!!
@ Montedo, you're sincere, I appreciate you, but not RIGHT, @ Nwoko_emmanuel, there's nothing more to add to what you exposed, You're really GOD-SENT. GOD Bless you for such exposition. You're one in a million. Take charge, Pls send a PM (Personal Message on this forum) to me, I'd like to have your number. I'd send mine to you.
@ montedo, you're right, but we have to obey God rather than men/women, a lot of ladies are scared of not been sexually satisfied that's why communication is the best as @ nwoko_emmanuel said, let him/her know about it. @ nwoko_emmanuel flesh and blood has not revealed this to you. That's really deep. One love.
@ eniola, you're right about @ nwoko_emmanuel, that was EXQUISITE!
Faith Yetu, am not really conversant with the Personal Mailing system of this Forum so I'll just post my email address here it is [email protected]. You can send me a mail and we exchange phone numbers there.
I greet you all.
from most views it shows how strongly guided we are by our religion and our culture. The Xtian belief is that premarital sex is sinful thus wrong. Other religions may share contrary opinions like the Eckist believe premarital sex is not wrong if and only if it is within a commited relationship. However our culture as africans sees it as a taboo for a woman engage in premarital sex , not only the woman is reproved for the act.
Also our morals is a reflection of our beliefs thus what could be morally wrong for a Xtain could be at the same time morally right for the Eckist.
Then from scientific or biological view humans becomes sexually ready from teenage and there are those hormones coming into play making them want to have sex. It now left for them make a choice, a choice that is guided by their belief and their fears,
My conclusion to this interesting topic is that a commited relationship is an applaudable relationship and it should be left alone to strive in its beliefs. We can only judge it based on its belief.
Well, most of us are contributing as CHRISTIANS, so @ blackprofet, you're actually right, but nobody is judging anybody on this forum, we're sharing our opinions as led by The Holy Spirit. Take charge and God bless you.
Faith as spiritual as u sound n hard as u try to conceal it, i'd say u wia judgmental wit smartd1st n i fink an apology to d lady isnt out of place. Eniola, u r one of d almost extinct specie left, kip it n dont lose it! @smartd1st, i gv it to u, d finesse wit which u play wit words is nuttin short of ethereal. Ur choice of words mingled wit d attending suspense only climaxed ur abilities. @all, sex is worth waiting for! It may be difficult wit al d pressure 4rm peers, media et al, but den again, it is worth d wait! dnE ehT
On Point! 8)Quote:
Originally Posted by One mole
Well, in the mouth of two or three witnesses, a thing is established, so since ENGLISH PATRIARCH @ One Mole and @ Dangunro have said so, i'd second. @ SMARTD1ST, I AM SORRY. PLS FORGIVE. I DO APOLOGIZE FOR MY SPIRITUALIZM AND SARCASM. I won't pass any comment about anyone like that again. Am deeply sorry.
@ One mole, i want to believe you're related to Pst. Chris Okotie and @ Dagunro since he's on point, well no hard feelings. Take charge and God bless you all.
@Faith Yetu!
I have read with rapt attention the replies/comments to this topic.
I do not want to criticize or commend any reply or comment as such. That I noted that one mole is on point does not translate to mean that all other comments/replies are not on point. Please note.
In all, you strike me like an Accounting graduate; if you are, am sure you remember one of the accounting principle that implies "Substance Over Form" i.e. Reality over Legality. Please apply that principle to the Topic of discussion and am sure you will see it from another point of view as others have.
Regards. 8)
Well, @ dagunro, you're right, an accounting graduate, but you must understand that the principle of substance over legal form is not the issue here, i will say or propound my own principle as that of Substance over Original/spiritual form, cos we're talking about originality and the intention of the mind of the creator not someone's mistake or experience. Am not saying I don't make mistakes, but that don't make it original or right. Sticking to HIS PLAN irrespective of our mistakes/experience is what am emphasizing here. I believe you understand me. Take charge and God bless you.
@ One Mole, if that's a compliment, well thanks. If not, am proud of who I am and who am following and what am doing. And I think I have a right to choose what I want and live as I want. So much grammar.
@ Poster, your Topic is stepping on a lot of nerves. One luv.
@ Eniola, I've said it over and over, I didn't post this topic to ridicule or feel SELF RIGHTEOUS OR HOLIER THAN THOU, just trying to interact and encourage someone that's all. So whoever's nerves are stepped should pls, biko, dalu. Take charge.
Why so much tension in the house, its an exciting topic and I only expect people to contribute what they feel in their hearts. No hard feelings and nobody's emotions getting hurt. Thats the way I see it. So lets be free and contribute and feel free.
Thats all. ;) ;) ;)
Dagunro, I'll like you to throw more light on this "Substance Over Form" i.e. Reality over Legality. as it relates to the topic SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. PleaseQuote:
Originally Posted by Dagunro
Na wa O .........so nobody thinks Otherwise Someone should Oppose these Christain Motions ..So the debate can be hot now .......abi !! what do ya'll think
In the world today, there are lots of rules and regulations guiding a lot of actions especially in business. For instance, in Nigeria, eligible companies with proven credibility are expected to "win contracts" without "settling" the powers that be who can do and undo as it relates to these contracts. You and I know that it is 99.99% impossible in Nigeria! Would you as the Managing Director of your company, refuse to "settle" in other to win a multi-million dollars contract simply because it is against business ethics or because it is illegal?Quote:
Originally Posted by nwoko_emmanuel
If you were under attack in Jos under the present circumstance in that area as is it is today, and you have the opportunity of saving yourself and a few others through the use of a gun knowing fully well that if you hesitate, your callous attacker would just go ahead and suit himself. Would you refuse to defend yourself and others with the gun simply because it is illegal?
Let's narrow it down to "Committed Relationship".
Lots of people today are in a mess maritally because they failed to reason with their heads but did with their hearts especially ladies. Imagine a lady who unknowingly married a Eunuch and got to know after marriage. And thereafter opts out of the marriage. Do you think such a lady would ever want to wait till after marriage to know if she's being hooked by another eunuch if she eventually decides to re-marry?
This is not to imply that engaging in pre-marital sex is justified. But we all know that there are no rules without exception. There are certain situations where one can't help but to break the rule! 8)
@Dagunro......Q.E.D! Guys, You can take that to the bank! ;D
@One mole, & @Dagunro.............. gentlemen, i doff my hat........
@Faith Yetu, apology accepted, that was very big of you to have heeded the words written. You are appreciated.
@Eniola, i dont think the topic is stepping on nerves, except you are speaking for yourself. when contributors reply to the topic, its just what is it..............a reply! Dont attach too much sentiments to other people's replies (not just here but generally), learn to take people's words with a pinch of salt. Everybody cannot be right everytime, some people are allowed to be wrong some of the times. And i do believe that @One mole meant the statement as a compliment............your kind is going into extinction......very soon you will be an endangered specie...... ;D :D ......we will view your kind on National Geographic, or Animal Planet..........mark my words! ;). (loosen up galfriend, life is what happens when we are busy making plans)
@all, on a lighter note, I thought Rules were made to be broken...... 8) ::) Take charge
@Smartd1st.
I feel you! ;)
By the way, how's "slim"? I hope she's cool.
My regards to her. 8)
Dagunro! Dagunro!,
I love your perspective and I believe you are laying a foundation for this discussion to assume a wider perspective. What am I saying? There are many out there who will never subscribe to not having sex before they get married as far as they are concerned they must FEEL and TASTE what they are getting into before they get into it some even make sure the woman is pregnant. I have been watching peoples comment and no body seems to be defending having "SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP" from the secular point of view. I have been expecting that...maybe nobody has enough points to justify that point that why nobody is saying anything in that direction. Well thats okay.
Now Dagunro, you said
"Lots of people today are in a mess maritally because they failed to reason with their heads but did with their hearts especially ladies. Imagine a lady who unknowingly married a Eunuch and got to know after marriage. And thereafter opts out of the marriage. Do you think such a lady would ever want to wait till after marriage to know if she's being hooked by another eunuch if she eventually decides to re-marry?"
Look at it from this perspective. You want to get married abi. Suitors are coming and infact you are confused because they all meet your criteria. Pressure is high and time is ticking...what do you do. TAKE IT TO GOD IN PRAYERS AND FASTING. Take two weeks off and seek the face of the lord on the matter. GOD WILL NEVER and I repeat GOD WILL NEVER give you something that is not good for you. He will not give you a Eunuch!. NEVER.
The problem is that we are always in a hurry, we are impatient. So many persons have married the devil because they are impatient. So my when a man wants to get married, He must seek the face of GOD FAITHFULLY before making a decision. GOD NEVER MAKES MISTAKE.
@Nwoko_Emmanuel
Let me let you in on this.
I know a lady who was in that kind of situation I noted. The painful thing is the man was a Pastor! The only child they have today, is the son of another man; all arranged by our dear Pastor!
My point is, even if you seek the face of God, remember, God will not do for man what man can do for himself!
Who created the Eunuchs, The Impotent, The Barren (Even when the Bible says "None Shall Be Barren In the Land")?
Please note that this issue also relates to the Atheists, Buddhists, Muslims as well as Christians. So it should not be limited to Christianity only.
To me, it's more about morals i.e what is good and what is bad. What you consider bad may not apply to someone else and vice-versa.
Dagunro, first of all, let me clear the air on this PASTOR ISSUE. People make mistake in life because they base their life on their PASTOR. My pastor says this and my pastor says that...thats Arrant Nonsense!!! I am a man of GOD. A pastor in the making. And I am saying The PASTOR is not the standard. CHRIST IS THE STANDARD. So that the pastor does something wrong does not make it right.
I have seen so called pastors have sex with their maids. In short that is not news. This word PASTOR, I see it as a title just as the title "Mr" that's the way I see it. Mans life is to be based on the word of GOD not the PASTOR.
You said GOD WILL NOT DO FOR MAN WHAT MAN WILL DO FOR HIM SELF. For sure there are certain things you must do for yourself like bathing, taking care of your body, go to work etc. But when it comes to making decision that has to do with LIFE and DESTINY, my brother, GOD is the best person to consult. He knows the way through the wilderness. Let me referee to the scripture please.
Proverbs 3 vs 5-6 [5]Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding [6] In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
If we can make the best of decisions, I wonder why it says, lean not unto thine own understanding. And he says, In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. He is there to lead you and wants to lead you.
So my brother, marriage is a critical matter. Your entire life can be ruined by just marring the wrong person. Such decision should be taken to the higher seat of wisdom. [JESUS CHRIST THE RIGHTEOUS]
On the lady you made mention of, I cannot comment on that because I do not know the details of the occurrence so let me stay out of that.
All am saying is that man is fallible and has a high tendency to err he needs DIVINE guidance.
What do you say Brother?
@ all, thank God this topic is interesting and educating, so @ eniola, no one is pissed off. @ dagunro, you sound like a realist (and people like this either end up as ATHEISTS or FREETHINKERS, I'd advice you WATCH IT), Am not disputing the fact that people make mistakes, but STICKING TO PLAN MAKES A DESTINY Colourful, and not sticking to plan or as you said breaking the rules end up in broken hearts and shattered lives. When you break God's laws, you break your heart. We're under grace and not law/rules but you must understand insighfully that, when you sustain an injury, it would heal but the SCARS remain forever. Imagine a couple in the name of Love, "hopping on bed like dogs in heat" when they are not married, then what's the difference between humans created in the image of God and Animals who have sex by INSTINCTS? Sex should be done rightfully because it goes beyond the pleasure aspect, It's the CONSUMMATION OF BLOOD COVENANT 1ST, BEFORE THE PROCREATION AND RECREATION ASPECT. A lot have scars because of mistakes of the past, ask those that have enjoyed the forbidden fruit they're describing, THEY'VE BEEN THROWN OUT OF THE GARDEN OF LIFE/REAL LIVING, So obeying God's laws as Pastor Nwoko_emmanuel, emphasized is just the way to fulfil destiny in a grand style. @ Nwoko_emmanuel, you're the bomb, You're just one in million, I APPRECIATE YOU DEEPLY. Take charge house, and pls make your choice RIGHTLY, you're entitled to it. EVEN GOD CANNOT INFLEUNCE YOUR CHOICE ASK THE DEVIL, HE CAN ONLY USE YOU EITHER AS A NEGATIVE/DISHONOURABLE VESSEL OR POSITIVE/HONOURABLE VESSEL, May my God give you all understanding. Bye for now.
@ smarted1st, am not going extinct, am really in Love with Life and Jesus, am obeying Him joyful and there are no regrets. there's no need advicing me to loosen up, am not in chains or bondage. Am very free as a bird, those as @ faith said, that are jumping in bed in the name of pleasure are the ones that need to be loose from the spirit of fornication, they need freedom not me. Am FULLY ALRIGHT. When I get married soon as I said earlier, I'd eat the Fruit of life not forbidden fruit. I have no regrets, cracks or strain. It's just TOO SWEAT WORKING IN GOD'S PLAN/WILL.
@ dagunro, I hope/pray you step up from an idealist/realist to someone AFTER GOD'S HEART.
@ Nwoko_emmanuel, You're a pastor any member would like to be Under. Should we start a church in naijahotjobs? How do we take offering and tithes? Just Kidding. Keep the fire burning.
@ all, am enjoying this topic, I felt some who're guilty/hurt by the comments are posting negative remarks, and not happy about it that's why I said the topic is stepping on a lot of nerves. Man will always have a defence mechanism for his/her frailties except the penitent ones. One Luv.
True talk @ eniola, mind you house this is not DEBATE between good or bad, am not advocating for Good or bad, as a matter of fact, there is nothing like good or bad in Christ's covenant of love. He's the Author and finisher of our faith, so His plan/word is final when it comes to SEX AND MAN'S SEXUALITY.
He created sex for three reasons from the little limited understanding I have:
- Consummation of a covenant: A covenant is ratified between two parties, the blood of one becomes that of the other as Sex is a blood covenant God ordained between man and wife. The two become ONE FLESH.
- Procreation: An act for fulfilling the mandate for dominating, replenishing and fill the earth with the human race.
- Recreation: A pleasurable experience between A MARRIED MAN AND WOMAN, often for relaxation, and enjoyment.
It's unfortunate, boys and girls because of all kinds of excuses are meddling with even till tomorrow; hormones, media, peer pressure, movies, etc. Man had excuse when he disobeyed God in the Garden, that dint exempt him from punishment. So every action has it's attendant REPERCUSSIONS AND CONSEQUENCIES. So God's plan is not for our discomfort, but for beautifying our lifetime on earth and Continued in HEAVEN. Take charge house, may my God give you all understanding.