Topic: Read before you upgrade.(singles)

For those that have already upgraded see maintenance Instructions below.

THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST

Dear Systems Department,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 Installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems Initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night Out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3” no longer Run, and crashes the system whenever selected.

Attempting to operate Selected "Saturday Soccer 6.3” always fails and "Saturday shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my
favourite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but 'uninstall' doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?


...... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the "Wife 1.0 " program.

Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wife 1.0 " thinking that "Wife 1.0" is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

Actually, "Wife 1.0 " is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by it's Creator to Run everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wife 1.0 " and still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0 " , as "Wife 1.0 " was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0 " or "Wife 2.0 " but have ended up with even more problems.

(See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

MAITENANCE INSTRUCTIONS

Having already installed " Wife 1.0 " , I recommend you keep it installed
And deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc(Escape)-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\PLEASE FORGIVE ME for a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

"Wife 1.0 ", although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS \UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or
even "Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for "Wife 1.0 "and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

CAUTION
Any attempt to install programs such as Secretary 2.1(the short skirt version) or One Nightstand 3.2 to Wife 1.0 is most likely to get a result that might expose your system to an impunity demobilizing virus that completely destroys the defenses of your software and ultimately, but surely leads to destruction of the hardware.

The virus is called HIV 99.9

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