Topic: Lafflines...get a laugh!

Laff Lines
With
Santa Novva

Tel.08052071958, E-mail [email protected]

In this life, everyone likes being a part of the “winning side” and nobody wants to be named or associated with a loser. Taking credits and compliments is definitely better than being blamed – ask Samuel Etoo “Finish” of Cameroon when he missed his penalty kick at the last Nation’s Cup or the NFA and the Super Eagles when they failed to qualify for the 2006 edition of the World Cup. I don’t want to talk about the “blaming spree” (or else, I would have blamed not only the NFA and the Super Eagles, but the referees, the weather, the pitches, the footballs and even our Neighbour, Togo who want to go to the world Cup while Big Brother Nigeria stayed at home!),I will talk on something else.

Why the saying: “Behind every successful man, there is a woman”? If this saying is true, then what about “behind every unsuccessful man”? – There definitely must be a woman (or women)! I guess the women won’t want to share the blame with a man for his failures? Anyway, I have an opinion: “If there should be blame sharing (and credit taking) between the sexes then there ought to be a “repositioning of the players”. Yes, must the woman be “behind”? Why can’t it be: “Beside every successful (or unsuccessful) man, there is a woman?” Santa Novva believes that this is better since it shows the man and woman as partners and not the master/servant or the leader/follower situation, which the former saying connotes.

To some men, they believe “a woman’s way is not ‘straight’” (how can it be straight when they have figure eight?) and partnering with a woman (and understanding her needs, desires and motives) is harder that GMAT, GRE, TOEFL and JAMB exams put together! To buttress this point, enjoy this illustration (or simulation)

On my way from my closest pal’s place (I didn’t say girlfriend, mind your thoughts!), I had to commute via public transport (“danfo” to be specific) from Ikeja to Yaba in Lagos. Among the passengers in the bus, was a soldier (who I believe was randy or drunk if not both!) who just couldn’t keep to himself but was fully “deployed” to the task of harassing and intimidating the “innocent civilians” in the bus. Even the bus conductor was not spared; the soldier was busy barking out commands at him: “sit down!” “Close the door”, “don’t pick passengers!” etc and while all this went on, all the other passengers in the bus were speechless like Michael Jackson! (Were they afraid? Don’t ask me!)

When we got to a certain bus stop, the soldier, sighting a young and sweet looking "under 20" sister waiting for a bus, ordered one of the passengers (a man) to “get down!” the bus for the lady and without a word of protest, the man alighted (walahi! soldier uniform get power o) and as soon as the young lady sat in the bus, feeling “honoured” about the soldier’s “kind and manly” act and unaware of any “hidden agenda”( or is it third-term intentions, event started unfolding. Like a slow-motion picture, the soldier’s hand went around the lady’s shoulders and he strategically implemented a “resource control programme” and drew her close. From the look on the lady’s face, she seemed to feel uncomfortable and loathsome of this “act of affection” but she didn’t speak. (Note the use of the word ‘seem’. With ladies, you never can be sure!) The sad fact I realized was that none of the men in the bus could stand up and speak against this glaring act of sexual harassment. It seemed a dumb spirit was at work, ceasing the men’s voice! – Okey Bakassi was right, “real men are scace!

After what seem like forever, a certain lady from the back seat who couldn’t condone the soldier’s intimidation and harassment any longer spoke out: “Hey Mr. Soldier! Is this your barracks? Is this what you are trained to do? Your mates are successfully practicing agriculture in Israel while you are here flirting with a girl who is young enough to be your daughter!” When the soldier heard these words, he turned his head and looked at where the voice came from, saw the lady, removed his hands form the young lady’s shoulders and (just like African remote control) jumped off the bus!

When the men saw that the soldier had been “dethroned”, they suddenly regained their voices and freedom of speech and started declaring their “manifestoes”, what they would have done against the soldier, “their intended intentions” while deep in Santa Novva’s mind, I admired the audacity of the vocal lady who was the only one to speak out in the face of “tyranny and oppression” and as if she could read my mind, the woman - still fuming with anger and disgust for the soldier, continued: “Can you imagine that yeye soldier wey no get eyes! That old goat! Pawing and touching a girl young enough to be his daughter…and it’s not as if her make-up is better than mine! (Pow!! Can you believe that?!)

So, would you blame the men when they don’t want to be “equally paired” with women? All the same, you men, whenever you blame or say something negative about the opposite ., you just might be doing yourself more harm than good. For example, if you say: “Women are bad!” “Women are unfaithful!”, “Women are the problem of the world!”, etc, you have only succeeded in “black-painting” you and your fellow men folk – unless you didn’t pronounce “women” as “we –men”, the right pronunciation!

Take care, see you another time!

Am new at this site but that was a good one had me laughing in the office and everyone was wondering what was up.Hope to read more of that!Good luck!