Topic: NYSC lafflines(repeat)

LAFF LINES 2
WITH
SANTA NOVVA
08052071958

NYSC, why have you treated me thus? Why were you so inconsiderate of the date you called me to service? How could you open camp on the 14th day of February (a fundamental day for lovers)? NYSC (for your information), if my sweetheart gives me a ‘red card’, I will blame it on you and sue you for the violation of my fundamental lover’s rights!

Perhaps my fury beclouded my introduction and didn’t let me begin my lines the ‘right way’ nevertheless, I’ll retry to start again (just like the expired vehicles on our roads with neither MOT nor NAFDAC numbers!) .So shall we please close our eyes for a brief prayer of gratitude to God for seeing us through the service year (I said ‘close your eyes’! disobedient Corpers, why are your eyes still open?)

With great relief over the end of the stressing student’s life in UNILAG, I left Lagos with my degree, heading to the Coal City (Ebeano) for the mandatory one year national service. Apart from the fact that I couldn’t keep the February 14th date with my ‘First Lady, I was in high spirits to answer my nation’s clarion (not lion!) call. Of course, I am a patriotic Nigerian (are you?)

Getting to the Awgu Camp, I started forging relationship, meeting people from other states, culture and languages and establishing bonds. (Don’t misinterpret me!) Surely, the NYSC is very good at bonding people. In fact, if not that my first lady had a firm hold on the constituency of my heart, I would have (like some corpers) “carpet-crossed” to another ‘Senorita’.

Life on the Camp (the social life especially) was very good. I still remember the Miss NYSC and Mr. Macho competitions (I would why we don’t have “Mr. Lepa” competitions too). The contestants gave a good account of themselves even though some pot-bellied and fat-loaded guys thought they could hoodwink the incorruptible panel of judges. At the end of the day a certain Mr. Kesh of platoon 10 became the Mr. Macho, winning the first price of a colour TV. That is not all, the end of the story in that at the end of the orientation programme he was posted to a village (near mine) with no electricity supply! How was he expected to power his TV? (With firewood?)

Let me forget the machos and talk about the female Corpers. A friend defined them as ‘soft wares’) but tell me, are ladies soft? I personally don’t want to believe that ladies are soft wares because they really have a way of contending comfortably with their male counterparts (yes, I am sure of this) the ladies on Camp were also good at “shot putting’ – don’t start thinking about the Olympic field event, I mean something ease! What I mean has to do with “the squatting process” of putting wastes in polyethylene bags! (na wa o!)

Yes, I know not all ladies “shot putted” but I did hear of a guy who went on a “secret mission” to the bush- (not to hunt animals or to smoke hemp) but to do some squatting exercise. He thought he was all alone only to turn around (while pulling down his white shorts) to see a ‘soft ware’ doing the same “thing”. He was so shocked and embarrassed that he took off while covering his face. In the process of escaping, he stumbled and fell into decaying feaces! Too bad, I pitied the guy - he emptied a whole bottle of Dettol on himself!

I observed that some married women “loosed” their wedding rings during the period of the camping only to ‘miraculous recover’ them at the end of the orientation programme. For all the married women who played ‘away matches’, I will give you them a blessing – yes, I will not curse them. “May they give birth to beautiful sets of twins: one for their husbands and one for their houseboys!

In Enugu (especially my village), I observed that donkeys were a delicacy. Before you start saying “God forbid!”, its no big deal! Its just a different cultural practice. Some cultures eat snakes, cats, rats and even ‘bingo’ is not safe around some people (my Calabar Corpers, no offence intended o!). All the same, the service year was nice but I won’t want to serve again! (Would you?)

There is a time for everything. The service year is over, now its time to move on to higher grounds. Its time to travel new paths and chat courses to our various distinguishing distinctions. My fellow ex-corps members, lets live life positively in obedience to the greatest commandment: “love your neighbour as yourself”. Before you start dreaming of making the world a better place, changing the world lets start from our homes, streets and local government, embracing the Millennium Development Goals (MDG) and ensuring its success. We will see at the top, wont we?

English dept. u?