Topic: LETTER TO PHCN - LAFF IT OFF!

Hi everyone,
I stumbled on this and felt I should share with the house to help unwind a little.


December 21, 2009
The Area Manager,
PHCN,
Lagos


Dear Sir,
COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and
gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to
communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself.
Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area
in Lagos.

As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my
civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens
who are alive to their responsibilities. As a famous
musician once said, "Ask not what your country can eat
from you but what you can eat from your country."

I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I
have decided to give back.

I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences
which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform
you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been stable.
In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go
to work and come back and electricity is still running. This
is a terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in
the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are
not used to. This is too much electricity for us to handle.
In the first week of constant electricity, I started acting
strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know
when "light" will be impounded on your orders.
After 2 days, the "light" was still there.
Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My
fridge which had not seen "4 hours" of constant
light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to
enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided
to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep.
Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge.
After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just
don't know what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house
have been switched on alongside my AC. My deck is playing at
a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of
constant "light". My TV and VCD player are
complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been
terribly overworked in the last few weeks. Half of my light
bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from
blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are
complaining that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy
their teeth. Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining
that human assailants find it easier to track and
exterminate them under electric light than under
candlelight.

All the witches and wizards that regularly visited my area
have suddenly taken flight in the presence of
"light". Now I have to review my membership of MFM
(Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their work has been
done. Can you imagine what will happen to the membership of
churches if constant 'light' persists? No more
demons meaning No more offerings.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the
reason behind this strange situation. This task was made
easy for me when I realised that it was the work of
saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going
wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged,
our president's health is being sabotaged.
Therefore this constant "light" is the handiwork of saboteurs within your
work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of
progress who want you to miss your set targets. These enemies
want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I
realised this fact when I stumbled on a document showing
your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and
balcony-bedrooms

2. boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight,
generators, inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees
spending at least 16 hours at work because there is no light
at home

4. growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by
the endless sound of generators that are switched on
overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes
unchallenged by ceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in Naming ceremonies: When people have no
light at home, what else do they do with their time other
than *******?


Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not
be possible if we keep on having "light". The
saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and
incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this
charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you
now. As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this
information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The
day you realise that I have been enjoying endless light for
2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 black months. The end
will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a
crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No
I won't. This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men
keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light
switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all
that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in
the day of recompense.

Your humble servant

Myself

What a strange Nigerian