LAFFLINES

Hello guys, why waste our time applying for jobs when we could easily join our Niger Delta brothers and start collecting pay from the government without work ,just by being militants?

Come to think of it, its about time i constituted by own MAN: Militants Association of Nigeria and you are free to join us as the government is granting us amnesty and free salary every month

For those interested, hold on.As soon as our lawmakers okays the salary structure and fringe benefits, i'll get back to you but for now, grab a healthy laugh with the lines below: ;) ;)




Shakespeare was right when he said the world was a stage and we all players but he didn’t add that living in this world is also a gamble, a lottery which is dependent on chance (to a great extent).To get a job , na like lottery. The numerous applicants wey they show for tests fit give person accidental HBP!Infact, with the rush to sit for tests, many applicants will not think twice before applying to WRITE HIV tests!

To the Nigerian, life has become a matter of “e fit be u”, there are examples everywhere “ Nigerian Lotto, Lagos Lottery, M Lotto, Baba Ijebu,MTN and GLO Millionaire promos and worst of all, marrying a sister has now become an issue of e fit be u!

Imagine you meet a sweet sister and after introductions and verification (yes, you need to scrutinize her national I D card and verify her date of birth so that she wouldnt be celebrating her birthday twice at your expense or imitate our under 21 footballers with tailor-made ages), you start going out and catching fun. You are in a world of bliss as you Tantalize, Tasty Fry and Oceanview her with Sweet Sensations (would you bukarize a sister? I doubt). You spend time and hard-earned resources at the cinema, beaches and you are never unplugged from the rhythm of gifts and presents and every time she receives a gift from you, she gives you a Jennifer Lopez look, blows you a Domitilla kiss and captures you in an ayangba hug that makes you go wow, this must be heaven!

Lets say this goes on for about nine months and one fateful day, you paid her an unscheduled visit at her house and (God have mercy!) she was in the arms and caress of another Valentino. You were expecting her to apologise and plead but instead, she walks you out and says: Why you dey vex? Have you married me yet? Abeg, take am easy o! I am yet to choose who I will like to spend the rest of my life with as a wife. Nevertheless, take heart (no cause for control, everything is under alarm), e fit be u! .Yes, if such happens to you, what will you do? Even if you decide to step aside like IBB, its not easy losing the affection and trust of the one you care for.

Believe it or not, you should be grateful to God if such a scene happens before your marriage! (Of course, I wish you the best of relationships) It is better than finding out much later (after you have bonded yourselves with the uttering of the words:That you are marring an MTN( pronounced as empty hen)) that your pearl isnt what it seemed to be! Such occurrences “ infidelity, unfaithfulness, extra-marital affairs, do lead to divorce (a common phenomenon in the Western world), separation and broken homes, and our streets are littered with touts and thugs “ bye-product of broken families, the smallest unit of the society.

Before you say I doâ, be sure you are saying it to the right person and at the right time. Eddie Murphy, in Coming to America had to travel from his African Village to Queens in USA to pick his queen. How far would you go and how hard would you try in the search for yours?

Hmn ¦is there love in Nigeria? I mean real love (not Aba-made.Aristological or Alaba pirated copies!)Among the three major tribes in Nigeria, which is more into love? Is it the Hausas, Ibos or the Yoruba? I’ll try to provide an answer (but please, dont quote me!)

The Yoruba have a saying which when interpreted says: lets stub our foot and see who tells us sorry and lets close our eyes and pretend to be dead and see who would cry. I will use this adage to provide the answer to the earlier question.

If a Hausa woman loses her husband (her beloved megida), shell be; so over-weighed with grief that she’ll be unable to speak. She’ll just close-up herself to the world and environment and lament her lost love (even if he had a harem!) The Hausa woman will just enter into her hut and keep to herself. She’ll nurse her deep-seated loss in solitude (what devotion!)

If the same thing happened to the Yoruba woman, she would shout at the top of her voice (the Yoruba like noise!)The Yoruba woman would roll on the floor with a good display of acrobatics and lament gravely saying something like this: Leave me! I say leave me alone! Baba Lanre!! Let me follow Baba Lanre!! Let me die with Baba Lanre!!! but no matter how hard she tries to die and follow her husband, she’ll never jump into the uncovered well three feet away!

Now, In the case of the third tribe - the Ibo, if and Ibo woman, an Nwa nkego (Money child) loses her husband, her grief and pain will be overwhelming and unimaginable. Her acrobatics would be better than the Antilogwu Dancers and her lamentation would be greater than that of the Prophet Jeremiah in the Bible! This would be the nature of her words: Papa Nnamdi, why? This was not our agreement! Papa Nnamdi, this was not the contract we had together, we never planned it this way!! Papa Nnamdi, you didnt even sign the cheque!!!

Na wa o! Is there really love in Nigeria I hope you wont have to do second-term and third-term marriages before you find real love, the You is the one (ask Azadus) but as for Santanovva, I’ll hope and pray to God that one day, my true love will fall into my hands as Tafa Balogun and Anajemba dropped into the tight- fitting cuffs of EFCC!
;D ;D ;D